My husband/partner of eight years passed away just before his 63rd birthday. It came as a surprise given that he was perfectly healthy until he had his first stroke which unlocked a latent condition called cerebral amyloid angiopathy (a condition that causes strokes through hardening of arteries in the brain). His second and third stroke happened at the end of August into September. He passed away at home a week after his third stroke when he was expected to live for another three weeks.
The Grieving Process
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief has fallen into some disrepute due to others' misunderstanding of the stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance was never meant to follow each other in an orderly fashion. In fact, grief from the death of a loved one or the death of a cherished relationship is quite messy and is unique to each person. In other words, timelines be damned. Brene Brown says that difficult times often call for either prayer, cursing, or mostly a strange mix of both. Surround yourself with support that will not inflict the culturally American need to make the process neat and tidy.
The Unexpected Specialty
Many of my established colleagues have recommended specializing as way to differentiate myself from other therapists. I knew that I wanted to work with the LGBT community and those finding their membership from the Church's pews, especially those who have suffered from reparative therapy. Working with couples has always fascinated me. Of course, immigrant issues are near to my heart as I am one as well. Grief surprised me as an area of focus when my husband passed away. Now, as a therapist, I intimately know the ins and outs of grieving. It is hallowed ground to share the therapeutic container with someone who does not need explanation or definition for any part of the grieving process.
Writing Myself Through: WINTER, Don Nocon
Winter came for me, all over me.
The snowstorm came in March.
This farce of the seasons
Rode clouds of gray in varying degrees
Taking the promise of verdant color
Spring started, but green,
Green got misspelled.
Oh may I tell of all the reasons.
Winter came for me, all over me.
Warmer possibilities must be imagined
In the sarcasm of the seasons
The joke entailed both –cosms
Macro and many micros
New to them out there
New to me in here
The stairs are just some of the reasons
Winter came for me, all over me.
Messy as FUCK too.
The one-liners were supposed to stop.
One after the other until the ones,
Those ones of prayers and friends
Came in this untimely visit
Homes offered, calls made, meals prepared
Suddenly this season became full of reasons
For joy to be spared
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